Terri Carrion


Wandering through the Big Picture

Everybody's a dreamer and everybody's a star
And everybody's in movies, it doesn't matter who you are

                              “Celluloid Heroes”, The Kinks

While watching Johnny Depp
roll around in piles of drug money,

               In the movie Blow (blah,blah,blah)
               she’s reminded of her old friend in LA,

who one night in a parking lot
in Chinatown (blah, blah) pinned her down

               against the car seat
               shoved a tiny silver spoon up

her virgin nostril
The rest of the night (blah, blah) she spent

               moving in and out of black
               lacquered bathroom stalls
of Madame Wongs,
The Roxy and finally (blah, blah, blah)

               The Rainbow Room1
               on Sunset Blvd. where she

slid buttery snails and(blah)
Long Island Iced Teas

               down her numb throat glued
               her eyes on Billy Idol2

and Axl Rose3 as they climbed
the spiral staircase (blah, blah) to the VIP lounge.

               She remembers Mickey Rourke4
               that night swooping by (blah, blah) in

broad leathery gust
His bad boy swagger

               always high and contrary.
               It was 1987, the year Wild Orchid5

came out, and she saw Barfly6, told everyone(blah)
“That movie made me want to drink”

               Fifteen years later she tries
               to re-enact Faye Dunaways’7 role

recites her favorite line (blah, blah, blah)
to strangers in Miami dives,

               “I don’t hate people, (blah, blah) I just seem to feel better
               when they aren’t around.”

She meets Errol in a deserted beach bar
Named after Errol Flynn that
               swashbuckling womanizer (blah, blah)
               with his Wicked, Wicked Ways.8

Back in the 80’s Errol Flynn’s
burned down mansion off Franklin street

               in Hollywood was a hangout (blah, blah)
               for punks who hiked up the steep

dirt path to the ruins of the house
gazed out over the city

               while chugging (blah, blah, blah)
               gallons of cheap red wine.

“My father use to work for Errol Flynn”
he says, “as caretaker on his yacht-Zaca.9

               He’s mentioned in the autobiography.”
               She isn’t sure whether (blah)

to believe him (blah, blah) since
she hasn’t read the book

               On the big screen Johnny Depp10
               is believable (blah, blah, blah)

as a bad boy but she’s not comfortable
with that, knows he’s deep (blah)

               and sensitive (blah) even though he
               altered his Winona11 Forever tattoo to

Wino Forever after their breakup (blah, blah)
Like Six Degrees of Separation12

               it’s connected:(blah) Errol on the beach, Errol Flynn,
               Mickey Rourke and Johnny Depp

who both grew up in Florida (blah, blah) where
she lives now (blah, blah) with celluloid ghosts and heroes

               tries to convince herself, (blah, blah, blah)
               “It’s just movies.”

1 World famous bar and grill know for Rock and Roll roots. Staff stories include: “John Lennon fell down those stairs”…”Brett Michaels puked in that corner…” “Slash peed over there on the floor”…
2 During filming of the video “Eyes Without A Face,” Billy was temporarily blinded when the heat of the set lights caused his contact lenses to fuse to his eyes.
3 Axl said, “”I discovered that I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
4 Mickey Rourke claims Nicole Kidman ruined his film comeback. Kim Bassinger once called him “The Human Ashtray"
5 Rourke and co star Carre’ Otis were a couple while filming Wild Orchid and there is a persistent rumor that the sex scenes were not faked.
6 Movie based on Charles Bukowki’s life.
7 Dunnaway used to be married to Peter Wolf, leader of the J. Geils Band.
8 Flynn autobiography, published posthumously in 1959. Rumored to be mostly made up, due to Flynn’s confusion between his life and his films.
9 Zaca means “peace” in Samoan
10 “I had found the teachers, the soundtrack and the proper motivation for my life. Kerouac's train-of-thought writing style gave great inspiration for a train-of-thought existence -- for better or for worse.” From Johnny Depp’s essay, The Night I Met Allen Ginsberg: An appreciation of KEROUAC, BURROUGHS, CASSADY and the other bastards who ruined my life.
11 Winona Ryder and Depp dated on and off for four years. Ryder, the daughter of communal hippies, grew up on a commune in Northern California. Her godfather is LSD guru Timothy Leary.
1 Researched by a team of sociologists at Columbia University interested in what is known as the "Small World Phenomenon." This is the idea that everyone in the world can be reached through a short chain of social acquaintances, but after more than thirty years, nobody knows if it’s true.