the sex was missing. the having of the sex was missing. the writing about the sex was present & made the day seem like sex was present. the writing & the sharing of the writing about the sex were omnipresent. the thinking about the sex the fantasy the masturbation which is after all a kind of sex because you wouldn't (usually) do it in public the masturbation present. the writing about the sex more fun than the writing not about the sex. the sex was missing but better than the bad sex being present. the bad sex wasn't missed. the writing felt like the great sex & the sharing of the writing of the fantasy of the sex made life present.
the pen the pad. the pen scratching on the pad in the car at red lights. the pad on the steering wheel at red lights. the pad on my lap at green lights. the pen tucked under my thigh at green lights in my hand at red ones. the ink-stained hand. the ink-stained tight orange T-shirt. the scribbling at the airport. the scribbling in Atlanta. the scribbling on the airplane. the pad on the little fold-out table on the plane. the guy in the window seat who reads his book & doesn't notice. the pen the pad high up in the sky.
the computer. & her computer. & all of her computers. the computer at work. the computer at home. the computer at work when the boss doesn't walk by. the computer at work. the idea. the idea about the sex. the writing. the writing on the lunch break. the writing on the sly. the writing to each other. the sharing of the writing. the sharing. the sex. the brain. the writing. the wetness. at our computers. the bosses don't know. the co-workers don't know. the writing the sex the sharing. the secret. the writing of the sex. the sharing.