Somewhere along the line, they get squashed down. Then something happens that promotes change. What is important is that I project an image of success at all times. I like to watch movies. Watching this movie about the unbearable beauty of a white plastic bag turning in the wind that arrives before a storm, I have an ideal in mind. Like a Greek ideal. There is an entire life behind things to see. Somehow. This afternoon I saw "American Beauty." I've seen Kevin Spacey several times before, but, well... I loved "American Beauty." It's good I'm sure. Though I'd never seen it before. Perhaps what I really need to do is quit my job or pump iron. It's something to think about. And I've already read "Do the Senses Make Sense?" I'm really terribly tired, you know. Daily every day I must go through the discipline of overcoming unprofitable thinking, for I don't know why. But I do. "I do." Maybe from a metaphysical viewpoint I could. Frolicking has never been so depressing. Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger. Gardening always takes a back seat to science. I know what I need: to understand the harmonious mind of God. So I can see where he went unharmoniously. See? There is so much seeing to do. And already today I'm so terribly tired. Note to self: Always get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power. What else could I do? I'm going to buy a CD which voices a healing, life-giving message! Or else a Barry Manilow CD. If only I had a CD player, I'd buy both. If only I had the money. You see, I'm not asking for anything to change, really. I just want to "see" as is. The movies will lead us out of despair by making us see. David Denby said something to that effect once. I read it in quotes. I think. Not certain. Couldn't be absolutely sure. This I know:

I remember all my life. Raining down as cold I am. Shadows on the hills.
Faces through windows. Crying in the night. It was just another.
It was a foll, it was a fool, it could be alright now perhaps.
I can't be making myself of your bat.
Oh Mandy you gave me and you gave that keeps shaking I need it.
I remember all my life. Raining down as cold I am. Shadows on the hills.
Faces through windows. Crying in the night. It was just another.
It was a foll, it was a fool, it could be alright now perhaps.
I can't be making myself of your bat.
Oh Mandy you gave me and you gave that keeps shaking I need it.
Yesterday I was gone to make it.
Oh Mandy you gave me and you gave that keeps shaking I need it.
Oh Mandy you gave me and you gave that keeps shaking I need it it it.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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