first you draw then you play then you throw your card away when Butcher Bob's the other barber in town better look up Randy let him hack away * pundick says he needs democrats and republicans bout as much as he needs two cocks * o carp carp carp * seen Dalton Frye the other day just hit forty-five and by god he's finished went to court got full-load compensation neck-nerve pinched back-disc ground down hands all numbed tells me twenty-seven years standin in cock-shrinkin cold cuttin and slingin beef and pork * a few multi-pointed deer heads then the one rabbit's head with antlers then the turkey's ass with you guessed it and pundick always points to the regulars says someday he'll put antlers on those horses' butts call it fart deco * next town over at the university they're diggin up that giant sundial puttin in one that's digital * I'm sex heightened halibut stew * the other day my kid's walkin round with his hand down front his diaper so I ask him what he's doin he says not much just takin my wanger for a walk any out-of-state plate sticks their head in here askin where can so-and-so be found just tell em straight down a block to the square park get out yell the name you want then listen like hell for the first window shoots up * throw your card away Randy's havin his usual luck so he gets up to whizz and of course forgets to shut the door and once again pundick observes well finally Randy knows what he has in his hand and what he ought to do with it * hey here's one boys Post Office delivers a card eighty-fuckin-three years late got a one cent stamp on it date March 6 1911 cancellation Salt Lake City claimed by a Mrs. Halsey third cousin of deceased addressee but the best part's this the photo's a big hotel out there hangin above the water and the message is the entire resort is built over the lake not on the shore lovingly Ellen sheee-it can you imagine waitin eighty-three years durin which you goddamn die then hearin from your grave that piece'a news * then you throw your * she left me gents with two kids two halves of heart and two butt-cheeks * we wring our hair we tear our hands out * then you play * Randy votes for safe sex sure just rubber- neck but swap no spit * all right fellas better set your cocks and simonize your watches * two butt-cheeks * you guys mind if I fart * I'm sex heightened * hell I'm kinda thankful for deer ticks durin the season Vicki'n me strip each night then hunt all the secret flesh we can in case ya know the little buggers burrow too deep * son's finished up over at the ag school told him to frame and hang that diploma on his hoe handle n'lisn to it rattle while he's diggin up the weeds * two halves of hearts * yeah Pop just signed divorce papers official asked him jesus why he walked out after forty nine years'n Pop says son there's only so much a man can take * o carp * pundick says history's just dead people broken things * first you draw * it's people you know and they all have this glow about em Dalton Frye it was eases up one day invites hisself over gets there takes a beer sets up this little easel says now let's draw some circles big ones small over- lappin til I get pretty damn lost and pretty damn drawed in drawed all the way to this rally up in Fairview couple'a thousand folk jammed into their Masons' Hall and there was rapture in the rafters alleluias in the airshafts well big draw's this guy who occupies the biggest fuckin circle of em all he's done up in chinos rayon pretty hefty gut but testifies he's come up from nollhin from bout the tiniest ever circle and that God told him early on to get good and to get rich now I'll for certain testify he'd gotten good the way he got that crowd good and worked up hell one side ta other'a that hall they're screamin I'M EXCITED HOW BOUT YOU I'M EXCITED HOW BOUT YOU round the fiftieth time back and forth with that I'm gettin awful foggy cuz it's soundin like they're shoutin I'M SEX HEIGHTENED HALIBUT STEW So I kinda slip away out back the hall set down by a big ole dumpster and try to sort things out but it's mighty steamy and I'm hearin HALIBUT STEW and picturin mr. chino-rayon's moon-face and fore I know it I'm rememberin sittin in a theater once and watchin Fatty Arbuckle up there on the screen he's a chef in some shit-hole restaurant and he's holdin a tree-size meat cleaver and lookin at an almost whale on a carvin board he brings that cleaver back and takes a swipe only it turns out the fish ain't dead flops right off onto the floor Fatty though he's feisty dives right down there too and starts to flail away so the fish is floppin circles and Fatty rolls his saucer eyes throws down his weapon grabs with his bare hands course the fish just keeps squirtin away and finally shoots right out the kitchen door so it's Fatty and the fish grapplin and twistin in the goddamn dust then there's one of those fadeouts and all of us are sittin in the dark laughin like crazy hell * o kingdom of am way of all ways * I may be laughin on the outside but I'm really laughin on the inside * halibut stew * pundick went down to dinner at Randy's trailer on the flats me'n Randy'n his boy are starin at this big-ass fish sizzlin'n starin in the skillet CARPAY DIE EM the kid sudden-says and I say nothin YOU IDJIT comes back Randy THAT MEANS GRAB THE MOTHERFUCKIN FISH AND EAT |