She tells me it’s a sapphic letdown
because she had been with this women
three years and a few months
and she had not seen the break-up coming
the average lesbian relationship she said
lasts nine years I was hoping for twenty
but would have been satisfied with six
and when she left she stole the furniture
cleaned out the bank account
and made off with the meditation mat
I bought at Kripalu yoga center
when I went there with her
on a lavender retreat
sapphic letdown she said because you think
you've found somebody real
to share it with and then they go
and you're left empty
isn't it like that for everybody I asked her
even straight people like me
I've been dumped by women too
lost the girl I'd been with two years
she dangled a cigarette in her lips
and said Yeah it's hard for anyone
but if you're a dyke it de-confirming
and I asked what she meant by that
and she said it’s like you're sort of against the world
and everybody thinks you're weird
people don't want you around their kids
and when you find someone it’s a refuge
and you like to convince yourself its better
you like to think you've found someone
who confirms that what you're doing is right
who shows you it's superior to making it with men
and all the activists say that too
they all say what we do is better
and kinder and more loving
and not violent
then someone dumps you and is nasty about it
sort of like the time I went to a lesbian bar
in Newport Rhode Island
and these two queer women caught me
out in the parking lot
and beat the hell of me for no reason
I never did find out
what it was that made them mad at me
that was de-confirming too
but not as de-confirming as this
she said it's sapphic letdown
but I said Sappho had them too
and she agreed its all a part of the whole scene
but damn I don't know what to do now
I told her there are lots of other women
and she said Yeah but most of them
have someone and they
can get pretty territorial about it
it really isn't a big happy party
like what you see in Bar Girls
everybody all chummy and friendly
its not very much like that at all
it can be pretty ruthless at times
and you know she said, it's hard
to just start over again
and start looking for someone new
I told her I was her friend
and I hoped the best for her
and she said she would get over it
it was just sapphic letdown
just as a part of the game