Wendy Brown-Baez

What am I doing here? Waiting waiting
waiting, I say, waiting for God’s Voice
in the sea surf in the taco on the plate
in the beer bubbles in the music of
people passing by. I am waiting
in the smile of the waitress as she brings
more limes in the shades on the bearded man
across the way in the breeze that
smells of heated tortillas I am waiting.

I say I am waiting in your eyes
a dark form floats away. It is me.
I am cast off from all moorings.
I have held my hand too
close to the fire. Look, it is
burnt. I feel the pain of
endless resuscitation. I wait
for the darkness to pass. I clasp
God to my chest in the form of
a pearl necklace. The rope is
smoothly worn to my flesh
indentation oyster nacre clinging
to my neck but I am still
waiting. Waiting for God’s
Voice waiting with a heart
that beats too fast and leads
me astray wanting the
answers to give permission
or purpose

I rise out of mud waters in the
bottom of the bay, I skim waters that
bleed into aquamarine, bleed
into dolphin lanes and jungled
horizons, bleed
into bumpy beach
descent. I am waiting
in the home-brewed
raicillas in the iguana’s
lazy blink in the tilt of sun
in the trawling of the fat man
along the bleached-out
chairs in the children’s bobbing
up and down in laughter.
I am waiting in the roaring silence
of my cushioned dream

I am waiting for God’s voice to tell me
what to do, the clear small voice
of my Jiminy Cricket given
by the Blue Fairy.
I will be a real live boy. I will
love Geppetto, I will brave
the unknown deep, I will light
a fire with my tongue. I will
be spit out as Jonah upon the
sand. I will hear You
declare me Yours.

I will find God upon
my hearth, I will taste Him
in the sweet papaya, I will suck
Her like ripened mango, I will
hear the voice of God repairing
the strings of my broken
lute, breathing song back
into my crackled soul. I am waiting
but it can’t be long now
can’t be much longer
with my love poems daring
Him to kiss me back.
Kissing me, that is the answer.
What am I doing here?
waiting for God’s kiss
upon my